Manipulation for Self Preservation

Confession, it’s all about preserving my own skin. According to some, I am manipulating kids for my own selfish reasons.

Many days I walk into school complaining about this crappy ass job that comes with no gratitude. I don’t complain about the pay, the benefits. It’s mainly the gratitude. We get attacked regularly by politicians, the media and pundits. I pray at times about hoping I’ll get fired to motivate my ass to get a new job, but usually that goes away once I enter the classroom. I always ask teachers when they complain, “Why are you here? You know you can leave and get something better.”They normally do not answer. I tell them, it’s the kids. You’re doing important work here.

Self-preservation comes in many forms. It is not just saving your skin. It means retaining quality teachers who gain more experience as the years move along. In this profession, noticed I used the word profession, not job, not work, experience counts. The longer a teacher stays, the more stability and structure a student gets. It becomes difficult, as in any field, to have to constantly acclimate and mentor new staff. 

The last day is usually the toughest because that’s when I have seen at least on average, six teachers fired or not renewed as the principal likes to call it. This tends to happen mainly to teachers who are ready to be tenured. Schools want to save money. A former colleague who was “let go” has run into this stumbling block as she goes on interviews. One department chair told her, off the record, before she even sent her resume that he was to find “newer, younger, cheaper teachers”.

For many of us, we do not know until we return from summer break who is returning. Many students learn the hard way. Their first day is usually a shocker when they discover the teacher, with whom they have built a relation, is gone. Bad news. Day one.

Many newcomers to the profession practice self-preservation by leaving the field. One third of new teachers leave within the first five years. Why? Chicago has become essentially a training ground for teachers who leave at the first opportunity. This is not to go teach in a poor, underfunded school. They leave for greener pastures in the suburbs, where the pay, support and the resources are much better. Those who stay are committed to serving the less privileged. Yes, there are people in this world who actually care more about the intrinsic values rather than the money.

Self-preservation hits home. I always tell Jenny who comes home beaten emotionally many times from her job as a high school social worker, that she should just quit and go into a less stressful environment where she could earn more money. She refuses. She has put many years into the career. She knows how to work through the snags but more importantly, she feels like the kids really need her.

In the last four years, I have had one student who was raped by her uncle, one that is suicidal and has been hospitalized, two suffering from extreme depression due to loss of a parent, in one case the student lost both in a year and a student caught up in gangs with no way out. Alone I could not deal with these problems. I have been fortunate to find some of these students the help they needed, some. When I was Oak Park River Forest, I had to deal with a triple suicide, which devastated me emotionally and still haunts me to this day. Self-preservation means having the resources there for the kids, else I’d become an emotional mess myself.

Self-preservation means having the resources to create a healthy environment for all. Because, good working conditions are good learning conditions. I am sure you have worked jobs where morale sucked because the conditions sucked. I’m sure this is not what any parent prefers for their child but it seems to be perfectly acceptable when it comes to teaching. This is the reality for many of the schools. Students lose every day in these classrooms. I get angry when I hear parents complain about how their child in a privileged school is affected by the strike. Well I’m sorry to say that it’s not just about you!

Yes, I do have a family. Why must my daughters consistently be sacrificed? I missed so many special school moments that I will never gain back. I can’t begin to express how much that hurts me as much as it does them. Why? Because I felt I had to be there for kids who don’t have parents, a stable home, a meal, a bed, or simply someone to hug. It hurts. I don’t really expect anyone to understand that because after all, I am just manipulating them for a few dollars more.

Who will speak up for the children? Who loses in the end?

Those who can, teach.

Those who can’t, complain about teachers and blame them for all of societal ills.

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First they ignore you. Then they ridicule you. Then they fight you. And then you win.

Ghandi